i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize