i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
