ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
