just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dignity is for republicans.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
