You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
