Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
