I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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