my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
