My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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