dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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