Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
