just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
