can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
