If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
