For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
