Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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