I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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