My liver just broke up with me...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
