Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
