apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
