I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
