you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
