Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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