I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
and you fell through a lawn chair
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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