Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
