shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
