Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
