tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
