We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to make out with him forever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
