What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
