No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You're like the curious george of whores
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
