you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this will be a night to untag.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
