his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
