i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
