She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry about my life...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
