Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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