I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I fill condoms, not promises.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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