Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
