Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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