he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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