So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i think i have two assholes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
