1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize