Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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