I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
