ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
