i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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