Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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