Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
