you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
