Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
