i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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