I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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