Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
