If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
