I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
