Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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