I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
