I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
