Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize