his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
