Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
