I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think your dad took our porno
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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