Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
