That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
