I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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