Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
