Kiss
Puke
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
