Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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