New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
