My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
