If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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