'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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