She said her name was "party"
I just threw up on my dentist
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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