I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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