drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
