I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
