I'm jealous of your bromance
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
