have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
