Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
