I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
