i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize