nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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