i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
