Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I deserve this hangover.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
