Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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