I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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