He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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