The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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